It Creeps In…

Insidious Dry Rot is the slow but certain killer of relationships.  It begins innocently and quietly. You can’t see it or hear it, yet it is very real and it is relentless, absolutely relentless. 

Imagine a beautiful black walnut jewelry box.  However, when left neglected and not cared for, out in the elements, over time it becomes the victim of Insidious Dry Rot (“IDR”).  It becomes void of value, ugly and worthless.  In fact, it is more than worthless for the reason it is still there, taking space and drawing attention to itself. IDR does the same thing to relationships.

You might be wondering why he isn’t honest with you. It started somewhere and likely started small. IDR always starts small. 

The Silent Relationship Killer.

IDR has the same effect on relationships as it has on wood.   And it takes just about as long to become apparent. You bit your tongue the first time he left the toilet lid up.  Now it’s up all the time and that’s the least of his ever-increasing, ultra-annoying habits slowly driving you away from him. It works both ways. 

He bit his tongue the first time you wore what he thinks of as “that hideous yellow outfit.” The problem is he didn’t bite hard enough!   Now he hates half of your wardrobe and couldn’t tell you what you wore the day before. In fact, when the two of you are out shopping he can’t remember what you are wearing when you’ve been separated and he is seeking you out. He is no longer looking at you. 

You see, IDR starts small, but it spreads.  Relentlessly, endlessly, until the relationship collapses.  All for lack of transparent honesty between the two of you, often from early in your relationship. 

The foregoing are rather basic examples, but IDR starts with the basics and expands from there until it permeates your relationship to the point you are thinking unpleasant thoughts and making unwarranted and very negative assumptions about him/her all of the time. Thoughts which began with an otherwise innocent overlooking of something which happened to bug you. However, some bug bites you can get over while others can become insidiously destructive.  

What to Do About It.

How do you spot IDR in your life?   More importantly, once you realize you are a victim of IDR, what do you do about it?  To a greater or lesser extent, all of our relationships suffer from IDR.  It becomes a matter of tolerance.  The less contact you have with some persons, the more you seem capable of tolerating the IDR associated with them. 

The greater problem is when IDR is nibbling away at your most important relationships; your partner, your family, your best friends, your close business associates. 

I can help you identify the sources of IDR in your life and together we can begin to explore how to stop it, and, most importantly, reverse it!

I will write about IDR again. 

Let’s talk about this!

Marco of Carefree

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